Revisiting and Revising a Teen Program: The Chocolate Wars

This week, I ran what was my most successful teen program event in my career. We had 40 teens show up on a Tuesday evening at the library. It was unbelievable. And awesome. And completely overwhelming and exhausting -- but in a good way.

I didn't do anything new to me for this event. Instead, I decided to rework an old program I did at a prior job a few years ago. You may remember my post about the chocolate olympics and death by chocolate. This time, I renamed it as "Chocolate Wars," and from my prior experience, as well as necessity due to program turnout, I made some modifications.

First, I should note that this is not an inexpensive program. We spent $100 on supplies. I had in my head that 25 kids would be a huge turn out, and I planned with that in mind. Fortunately, we did not lack for supplies at all. And in fact, when you break the cost down, it was quite an inexpensive program per attendee; I'd had in my mind that $4 a person for 25 teens would be a good average. Instead, the break down was just a little over $2 per attendee. Not too shabby.

So what did we do this time and how did we do it? First, I'll share the events we had, and then I'll share how we ran it. I use we because my coworker helped with the event, as did an intern who got her first taste of teen programming at the library.


What We Did

Chocolate Pictionary

Supplies:

- Construction paper
- A few packages of dark chocolate Hershey bars
- A list of pictionary words

This is pretty self-explanatory. The person in charge of drawing could only use the chocolate bar to do the drawing. The rest of the teens had to guess what they were drawing. The person who got it right was the next to draw.


Stack & Sort Races

Supplies:

- 3 large bags of regular M&Ms
- 4 Oreo packages
- Ziplock bags

For the "sorting" part, each teen got a bag of 75 M&Ms and they had to sort them by color. First to do it and put their hands up won the event.

For the "stacking" part, well. It was a bust. I had them work as partners to create Oreo towers, but they weren't interested in listening to directions (more to come on this). So essentially, it became four rounds of opening up an Oreo package and letting them grab and eat. Which was fine.


Chocolate Shuffleboard

Supplies:

- Masking tape
- One package of mini chocolate bars

I pushed two tables together and created a shuffle board out of the tables and masking tape. There was a starting line with the rules written on it -- the teens had 5 chances to earn 40 points. Some of the shuffleboard spaces were negative points. Some were 5, 10, 15, 20, 30, and 40. One was an automatic win.



Identify the Chocolate

Supplies:

- 10 to 15 different kinds of full-size chocolate bars
- Ziplock bags
- One half-sheet for teens to write their best guesses on

This was an overflow table and unstaffed. The teens would look at the bars and try to guess what it was they were.


Whopper Races

Supplies:

- Masking tape
- 2 boxes of Whoppers

Teens were split into four teams and had to race from one end of the room to the other pushing the Whopper with just their noses. Some teens were not into this idea AT ALL and chose to implement other means of getting the Whopper across the floor, including blowing on it. That was fine with me -- the key was the fact they had to crawl across the floor.


Hershey Kiss Races

Supplies:

- 2 bags of Hershey Kisses
- Masking tape
- A few pairs of oven mitts
- Plastic cups

Teens were split into four teams and had to walk from one end of the room to the other with their two kisses, then they had to unwrap them with the mitts on and place the unwrapped chocolate into one cup and the wrapper into another one. First team to complete won.


Worm Digging

Supplies:

- Pie crusts (graham cracker -- though we did frozen in a pinch)
- Chocolate pudding
- Gummy worms
- 2 plastic table cloths
- Plastic cups
- Napkins

We put together 11 chocolate pudding pies, each with 5 worms in them. Teens had to use only their mouths to dig out the worms from the chocolate pudding. They then deposited the worms into the plastic cups. The table cloths were used to cover the table and the floor. Let me tell you how easy cleanup was for that.


Miscellaneous supply need: Chocolate bars for prizes. We did the mini bars.



How We Did It

So the very first thing we did was wait 10 minutes before starting  the program. We scheduled it for 6, and we waited until 6:10. We made all of the kids sit on the floor -- at this point there were roughly 25 -- and we laid down hard and firm rules. You leave the room, you can't come back. You get too wild, we'll kick you out. Absolutely no chocolate leaves the room and enters the library, except at the very end when the teens could bring home their prizes.

In the past, I made all of these into station activities. But I knew it was not going to work this time. I decided instead to make the Whopper races and Hershey kiss races the first things we did, and we did them as a big group. We got the kids split into two teams, and then we were joined by 15 other kids. My coworker decided to take them out in the hall and give them the same speech we'd given to the kids already there, and she split them into teams for the second set of races.

This ended up working out okay. When the first round of teams were done doing the Kiss race (which we did first), they got a little antsy, but I kept them happy by giving them left over candy. We were then able to make the 40 kids get into 4 separate teams for the Whopper event.

After those two big team events concluded, we made all of the kids sit in the middle again for more instructions. We told them the rest of the program was fluid -- they could go between the Sort and Stack station, the Chocolate Shuffleboard, the Chocolate Guessing, and the Chocolate Pictionary events. And they did a great job of doing that. They listened and followed through. The problem came for me when they didn't want to listen to the instructions at the station I covered (the Sort and Stack) but I let it slide. I had to. Forty kids in one room is chaotic, and the kids had done a great job of listening over and over to new and changing instructions. I could let it go and I think they were happy for it. And so was I.

My coworker and I got worried about the Worm digging event since we only had 11 pies. We held off on figuring out a plan until the VERY end of the program, when our numbers dropped considerably. About 10 minutes before the end of the program -- which ran for an hour and a half -- we noticed we had roughly 20 kids left. So we told them they could do one last event, but only 11 could do it. We explained what it was and fortunately, ONLY 11 kids were interested (it's messy and kind of gross, so that made sense). We had them race in teams of 3 (and for the last one, 2). After they raced for the worms, we gave those kids spoons to eat the pudding if they wished to.

In the mean time, the other kids who didn't race? They had a BLAST taking photos and rooting for their friends. No one was bored.


Local Media Attention

Prior to the event, one of the newspapers got in touch with me to ask about the program. We got a really nice writeup about this event, as well as some of our forthcoming ones. I suspect that helped with some of the teens showing up.

But even better than that, a photographer came out the night of the event and shot pictures, too. Two of my teens got a nice picture in the print edition of the paper on Wednesday morning -- aside from being a nice boost to us, I suspect that will make them feel really good, too.

I took a lot of photos of the event, and I took a video of the Whopper race, and posted them on our teen Facebook page. The kids were talking about how they'd wanted to have some photos for their own Facebook pages, so I thought this would be a nice way for them to get them if they wanted.



Last Thoughts

I'd do this again, and I'd do it in a pretty similar fashion, but I would maybe have to do signups or limit the number of participants. I dislike doing that, but 40 kids, even with 3 adults, is a LOT of kids. It's a lot of hyper energy.

They did an excellent job of listening though, and when we said that if they left the room they were done and finished, they listened. They did not make a mess outside the programming room, and we only had to kick 2 kids out. They weren't being "bad," but they were being disruptive enough to merit the kicking out. Both were kicked out near the end of the event.

We had no leftover supplies, as the kids who stuck around were able to scoop up any remainders they wished to, including the chocolate guessing chocolates. We went over the answers to those in our final "sit on the floor and listen" session, prior to the worm digging event.

"Winners" for the stations, in theory, won a small chocolate bar. But because we were so busy, we never gave them to the kids. And you know . . . they never asked. They had plenty to eat and enjoy. All remaining Kisses and Whoppers were doled out as events ended, and we threw out the mini bars to the kids as we read the chocolate guessing answers.

Forty kids for me is amazing. We had a GREAT turnout at our zombie party this summer, but in no way did I expect this kind of turnout during the school year for an event. What a nice treat after feeling like I didn't know what I was doing with programming -- though it certainly has made me reconsider how to best approach programming again (in terms of numbers, cost, time budgeted to plan, and so forth -- I was lucky I'd done this before so the planning step wasn't too complicated).

I already had teens asking about what we were doing next.

October Displays

I've got two big programs for teens in October -- I consider "Teen Read Week" to be a month-long celebration for a variety of time and energy related reasons -- and I'll write about them when they're over. But in the mean time, I thought I'd share the displays I've got in the teen department for October.

The last week of September, I put up my banned books week display. Except I don't like calling it banned books week, so I noted instead that reading these books was about celebrating the freedom to read them. Simon and Schuster sent me the poster I've got taped on the display cube, and they sent me an extra one, which I put on the teen department bulletin board.

I've refilled this guy once already, and since banned books week is over, chances are when the other books disappear, I'll swap it out for another display. I'll likely go with horror or zombies since both are perennial favorites.

This is one of the displays I've been eager to do for a while, and I finally got around to it -- these are all books by authors who have Wisconsin ties or they're books set in Wisconsin. Author Molly Backes is doing a program for our teens and adults later this month, and it tied in too perfectly. When I checked the display later, a large number of the books had disappeared. In fact, as soon as I'd gotten the display set up, people were looking at it.

My middle cube is devoted to a raffle for the teens. I was lucky enough to meet Veronica Roth this summer, who signed a copy of Insurgent for me, and because the third book in the series releases this month, I thought a perfect giveaway for teen read month would be the entire set of books, including the super special signed copy.

Unexpected Finds: Passive Reader's Advisory

I love doing displays. I love passive reader's advisory. Any sort of passive programming I can implement into my teen department is a positive thing for me -- being part-time and juggling my responsibilities for teen stuff with being on the reference desk is a challenge. Through passive stuff, it's possible to do a little more with a little less.

My former co-worker and I had an idea back last December to implement a little more passive reader's advisory into the teen department but with a lot of changes happening in the workplace, it was impossible to get it done right away. And then with summer reading club, it became even more challenging to implement.

But finally, ten months after the fact, I got the project done and I am thrilled with the results:

I'm going to talk a little bit more about this over on STACKED later this month (we're doing an entire week of reader's advisory posts) but the project was to make shelf talkers for YA books. 

We purchased these holders from Gaylord, and there are ten in a package. I think that was the perfect number for our collection size and layout. My co-worker and I had written our book descriptions out, and I had the chance finally to format them and print them out. 

I sent an email to the rest of the adult services department after I got the talkers up, and I didn't think a whole lot about the value those talkers would have to the staff. I'd mentioned that if they had read anything in the YA department and wanted to write a talker, to type up 3 or 4 sentences at most and shoot it my way so I could do the formatting, printing, and displaying. But I got a wealth of thank yous because it helps make their jobs a little easier too -- it's a starting point for those teens who want a good book to read but approach a staff member who might not be as familiar with the YA books. 

The element of surprise for YA readers to discover these while browsing is what maybe excites me the most.

My goal is to swap out the titles every other month or so. I'd like to do it monthly, but time and other projects might make it hard, unless I do get flooded with contributions from other staffers -- and I have a feeling I'll see some more contributions, too.  

Recently Displayed in the Teen Section

I've done a number of displays in the teen department over the last few months and failed to post them over here! I've been taking pictures and popping them onto my tumblr, but I figured for those of you who read this and don't want to head over there, I'd share here, too.


September Displays:

Sometimes, you don't even have to be creative to make a successful display. This one is just a display of recent new books. Yes, we have an entire new books section, but I figured pulling some out to display would get them even more exposure, in a different area of the teen department. And I was right -- this has required refilling numerous times. I love "having" to keep refill my displays because it means books are moving. The sign for it just says "Try A New Book" and it's an image of an old ferris wheel because why not?

On my other lower display cube, I put up boarding school books. It, too, has been wildly popular. I've had to refill it once and . . . at this point I'm kind of out of books to put on the display, so there are only 4 or 5 on it now.

September is Hispanic Heritage Month, and I wanted to honor that with what our collection had in terms of stories and authors which showcase or who are of Hispanic heritage. This one hasn't moved quite the same way as the other two displays, but stuff has definitely been checked out. More importantly, though, I think even when your displays aren't as successful, showcasing what your collection has is really important -- especially when it comes to showcasing multicultural titles. We do serve a sizable Hispanic population, as well.

Because banned books week is this month and our library is doing a series of "Big Read" events around it, I plan on switching one of the displays out to show off banned books (I think I'm going to frame it as intellectual freedom, as opposed to banned books, maybe).


August Displays:

The most popular books teens read this summer (according to summer reading club entries) were written by Ellen Hopkins. So to sate the interests of those readers, I did a read alike display, which was wildly successful. I think I'm going to end up making a post of some sort to put in the teen area to give read alikes to some of the really popular authors.

I did a display of short stories for August, as well. Though some of the books went out, it wasn't the most popular display I've done. I think that speaks to the popularity of short stories with teen readers, to be honest. Some love them, but most of our titles don't circulate very well.

This idea I took from another tumblr user, who developed a reading list for fans of Supernatural. I made it a display and it did very well. I think I might replicate this sort of display in October, but this time for fans waiting for The Walking Dead. Yep, it would be yet another zombie display (I think my third in a year?) but those books go like crazy, and I don't see why replicating popular displays is a bad thing, especially if you're changing up the how of your display -- in other words, not always simple "zombie books!" but in this case, it'd be a tie in to the show's return in mid-October. My kids are rabid about zombies, and I want to keep 'em happy. 

They are rabid enough that they even helped make a poster for our library card sign up month campaign, dressed as zombies. 

July Displays:

Like I said. I think in July I refilled this display almost every time I came to work -- and sometimes, there weren't any books to add to it.

I also did a display of books with either time travel or which took place in parallel worlds in July. This was a fun and a tough one -- but it got some books circulating that hadn't gone out in a long time.

Caramel Apples: A Teen Programming Success

image via amysdecadentchocolates.com

My first fall program -- caramel apple making -- was a mega hit this week, despite a few hiccups on the planning side of things. This program was very easy, inexpensive, and more than worthwhile. I had 25 teens show up for the one hour evening event. 

I picked up supplies the day before the event, except for the apples, which I picked up the morning of the event. They are as follows:

-- 2 bags of apples. I picked up red and green varieties, and there were roughly 20 in each of the bags. I bought smaller apples, as opposed to bigger ones. Because we don't do signups, I didn't know how many kids would show up. I figured in the worst case, the kids would each be able to have two or three. And even with 25 teens, there were enough for many of them to have two apples. The cost for the two bags was about $12. 

-- 3 or 4 tubs of caramel dip. They make pre-made dips in the fruit section, and I picked up four tubs. For 25 kids, I only needed three because I also decided to pick up one tub of chocolate dip and one tub of vanilla cream cheese dip. My thought was some kids will want to come and they don't like caramel. So, for all six tubs of dip, it was roughly $4 each, or $24. 

-- Popsicle sticks. I bought the bigger ones you get in the craft section, and they were roughly $2. 

-- M&Ms. They make mini M&Ms, and I ended up buying three bags, which was a little much. I didn't realize how many M&Ms came in the bags of minis, and I only ended up using one bag. That was about $3 for each (so my total cost was $9 or so, but for 25 kids, one bag was plenty). 

-- Sprinkles. We had leftovers from summer programming, so this was no cost to me. But for someone wanting to replicate, it'd be very inexpensive. 

Total cost for supplies: under $50.

We have napkins, forks, and plates in our programming room, so those might be extra costs. We also keep a supply of drinks, but I could see purchasing a couple of gallons of apple juice or apple cider, as well, and still keeping the cost low.

The set up for the program was simple. I wiped down each of the apples and de-stemmed them prior to the program. All of the apples were in good shape. 

We had two tables: the first had the apples, plates, napkins, drinks, and popsicle sticks. The second table had forks, the dips, and the toppings. While it would have been ideal to have spoons, we were out of them, so I improvised with forks. As the teens came in, they each helped themselves to an apple, put the stick through it (which was their favorite part, to the surprise of exactly no one), and then they had the choice of using a fork to spread the dips over the apples or putting the apple in the dip and turning it. Since they hadn't touched the apples beyond putting the stick through the center, there weren't germ concerns. 

After they put the dip on the apples, they could then top with sprinkles or M&Ms over their own plates. Some teens put the toppings right on their plates, as well as some extra dip, for when they got to the middle of the apple.

This was a little messy at cleanup -- the dip and toppings table especially -- but for 25 kids it was more than well-worth it. As the teens finished eating, they just hung out around the room with each other. Some played games, some of the girls had a blanket and just chilled with one another. For me, that's the definition of a successful program: your kids don't come only for the food. They come to socialize with one another, too. 

I'd debated bringing other topping choices for the event, but I am glad I stuck to what I did. It was more than enough, and, as I noted above, there were too many bags of M&Ms. I kept this event nut-free because I know allergies are always something to keep in mind. I didn't even want to touch it. 

Many kids ended up eating a second apple, and when the program ended, I had 2 full bags of mini M&Ms left, as well as one tub of caramel dip. Everything else was gone. 

Though the program went smoothly inside the room, there were some challenges outside the program that I think are going to change how I do things a little bit. Our security monitor came in to show me that a number of popsicle sticks had been found broken around the library (some of the teens were playing with them and I didn't realize they'd taken them out of the room). But the real downer was that he also found a caramel apple in the water fountain. As in, someone took it out of the room and put it there. Not cool.

So in response, I think I'm going to have to rethink my stance on in-and-out privileges to programs. There is a bathroom immediately across the hall from the room, so that's not a big deal. But once a teen leaves, I think it'll have to be the case that they're done with the program then. I don't like having to make rules like that, but I also don't like making work for other members of staff -- not to mention how disrespectful leaving program materials around the library is. I can write it off as teens being teens, but I also think it's my responsibility to make them learn how to be more responsible. 

That said, I highly recommend a program like this. My food events always draw the teens, and they are always thrilled to be involved with them. Is there anything better than teens asking when the next program is because they had so much fun? 

Program Success: A Low-key Zombie Night

The last post I shared was one about how I wasn't having a successful summer program, and I went ahead and followed it up by doing a successful program. The wills and ways of working with teens in the library.

I held a zombie event, but unlike a lot of the zombie proms or other zombie events I've seen, I kept mine incredibly low-key. The real reason behind that was because the actual big event of the program was watching Warm Bodies. But let me back up before I get to that.

Earlier in the year, I asked my teens what they were into. Zombies. Zombies all the time. They love The Walking Dead and did they ever tell me how much they were excited to see Warm Bodies.

This is why you ask your teens these things because they will hand your programming over to you.

To end summer reading club, I wanted to do a big finale. Watching Warm Bodies was a given, since they were enthusiastic about it from the start. But I didn't want to do just that. And given that my time at the library is limited -- I'm part-time -- I didn't want to invest too much time or money developing a program that had the potential to bomb out anyway (and that's not to say I wanted to be lazy, but it's why I decided against doing zombie makeup or having the kids learn the Thriller dance or doing a lock in sort of event).

So I decided I'd do an hour of programming and then show the movie, making the event a sort of two-part deal. Teens could come at 4:30 and do some zombie stuff, and then any teens who just wanted to see the movie could come at 5:30 and do that.

Most showed up at 4:30, and the few who weren't interested in the activities went out into the library and came back at 5:30. Not a big deal! I even had a couple girls come in full-out zombie dress. They told me they spent 4 hours getting the look down, and we were able to use them as zombies for a library campaign we're launching in the fall. . .which is awesome.

What I did

I set up four stations. Knowing how much my teens loved decorating cupcakes (which was another successful program I ran following my last post), I knew I wanted to do something with food. So we made zombie marshmallows:

I bought 2 bags of those super-sized marshmallows, along with food coloring markers (Americolor gourmet writer brand which worked well), red and black decorating gel, and eye-shaped sprinkles at the craft store (Hobby Lobby if you're wanting specifics). I purchased lollipop sticks and put out a small plate of light corn syrup which was used to attach the sprinkles. Everything was completely edible and the teens got creative here.

It was about $30 for all of the supplies and the teens loved this. I would do an entire program of marshmallow decorating, in fact.

The second station we did involved zombifying famous works of art. I printed out five or six classic works of art that would look awesome as zombie art, and I provided crayons. This is what the goal was, and my kids were pretty awesome about it:

Obviously, that was my model.

Cost to do zombie art? A few minutes Google searching famous art coloring sheets and printing them out. In other words $0.

My third station was one that wasn't quite as successful as I hoped, but frankly, since the other two were so popular already, it didn't matter. I pulled out our library's Zombigami book and put out paper and scissors for teens to make zombie origami.

Total cost: $0. I used paper we had already.

The fourth and final station had nothing to do with zombies at all. My very first program for the summer program was a duct tape crafts event. Since it was attended by only four kids, I had plenty of left over supplies, and since so many kids kept asking me when the program was happening after it happened, I figured why not? So I had out the duct tape and the kids went to town. Most of them covered themselves in duct tape (some pretty nifty Angry Birds duct tape suspenders were made) but I told them as long as they didn't hurt themselves or others, they could have at it.

(Spoiler: you give your teens freedom and most of the time they do not exploit it. We had no injuries at all here).

Total cost: $0, since the supplies were all recycled.  And guess what? The teens do not care if these things don't fit your theme.

After an hour with the stations, I called in the handful of kids who I knew weren't in the room but wanted to see the movie. I told them get comfortable however they wanted -- a chair, hanging at the tables doing activities, sitting on the floor. When I hit play on Warm Bodies, I left the room in the hands of my summer page and my co-worker and I went to Little Caesar's and bought 11 pizzas to feed them all dinner.

If you aren't taking advantage of a Little Caesar's in your area, which charges only $5 for a pizza when you want it, you should. I had a couple teens tell me they walked across town to see the movie and have dinner. I do not work in a small town.

I brought the pizzas in when the movie was about half over, meaning the kids had to hang tight while I went to get it and they weren't just there for the free food.

Total cost for the pizzas? $58. On top of the $30 or so for other supplies, the program ran for under $100 and it reached 30 very happy, very well-fed teens. Worth mentioning: we had our movie covered under our license. At the beginning of summer, it was not and we thought it would be an additional $100 to get the license. But luck fell on the right side this time.

If I could change anything, I'd probably have erred on the side of getting more pepperoni pizza, since those went fast. I'd also maybe do a more involved station at the beginning of the program for the teens who didn't want to do the stuff we had (maybe some sort of game -- I'd eyed picking up Zombie Dice or Zombie Fluxx but didn't because of time issues).

When the teens left, they asked when we'd be doing this again, and they were thrilled to hear we'd be having a Hunger Games showing the night before Catching Fire hits the big screen.

Professional Envy, Programming, & Summer Reading Club

It's been a challenging summer.

Part of it is simply trying to do a lot of things with not a lot of time at work. But another part -- maybe the bigger part -- is still wondering whether and how librarianship is still the right place for me to be in a career.

Don't get me wrong. I love what I do. I love working with teens. I love working with adults. I love working with kids who come in and spend 30 minutes asking me to look up every single horror movie they can think of so they can discover them for the first time (yes, it's sometimes a test of patience, but those kids want my undivided attention and I enjoy giving it to them).

It's been a hard summer, and it's been really hard not to beat myself up for not being good enough or not doing enough every minute that I am there. Being part time and having the responsibility for virtually all of the teen stuff -- programming, collection development, the summer reading club, and so forth -- I've had to make choices and let things go. And there are days where I'm on the reference desk for a three hour shift and don't get to sit and take care of pressing issues (like the inbox of urgent messages, for one). There are shifts when I do have a minute to breathe on desk, and I can't force myself to actually do the work I need to do. I need to just sit and wrap my brain around everything.

Coming off ALA, I felt refreshed and ready to head back to work with a clear head. I'd just spent days with people I admire and respect and felt their enthusiasm wholly.

Except.

I keep coming back to the same questions I have been wrestling with all summer long: am I doing enough? Why do my programs keep failing? What is failure anyway? Why can't I accept than six teens showing up for movie and a pizza is a good turn out? How could I reach more teens? What can I do differently in the fall to make it work? If I give up some responsibilities will it be better? Will I feel like I'm a quitter if I give up those responsibilities? How can I draw the sharp line between work time and me time, and how do I enforce it?

For some reason, I doubt anyone doesn't struggle with the same questions at some point.

But I think it's really easy to get mired with the idea you're not good enough because you're seeing people you respect and admire doing so much. I see such amazing programs being put on by people I know and know well. It makes me so happy for them. It thrills me to see great people achieving -- and not just achieving, but then sharing those things so others can achieve too.

It's not to say I'm not doing what I can with what I have. I think I am. I see my book displays emptied days after I fill them up. The box for teens to share what they read this summer as part of summer reading club is stuffed to the brim. Teens are not just filling out their small forms with the title of the book and the author; they're also telling me why they read the book. I convinced a 13-year-old girl to sign up for the reading club after she asked me about the third book in the Gallagher Girls series, and then she gave me an impassioned talk about the differences between that series and the Heist Society series and why she prefers one over the other.

On program days, though, I spend all morning fretting about whether it's going to be another failure. About what I did or did not do enough of to make it work or not work. And whatever enthusiasm I had, I've lost and I drown in a sea of self-doubt and . . . envy.

Envy for people who do it so well.

It's not easy to talk about nor admit. But I think on some level, we all feel it. A friend or colleague runs a creative program and has 20, 30, 50 people attend the event. Meanwhile, you put on a program your teens have been asking for and face a near-empty room. The three or four kids who attend have a good time, and while you try to hold on to that being the point, it's hard not to feel down.

It's also hard not to feel like you're phoning it in when things you've talked about yourself -- passive programming, for example -- continue to fail when you try them in your place of work. Logically, I know it's something that takes time and consistency to make work. Realistically, I'm impatient.

I'm not sure there is an answer to professional envy nor professional self-doubt. I'm not sure there are answers to the questions I think about all the time, either.

The number of people who've mentioned to me that they've been feeling that pang of envy lately -- and maybe it is summer when it is worst because we are all just stretched so thin, so close to the breaking point -- you're not alone.